


suffering's teaching

by mired



Category: Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
Genre: Gen, Retelling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-23
Updated: 2012-03-23
Packaged: 2017-11-02 09:47:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/367659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mired/pseuds/mired
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A retelling of Dickens's original ending, from Estella's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	suffering's teaching

**Author's Note:**

> This was a project for English class that mysteriously morphed into fic. I kept Dickens's dialogue as a requirement for the project.

My life with Drummle had not been a happy one, but then again, it was not happiness I had looked for in the marriage. He was proud, and cruel, and he used me, but I did not regret my choice. Even through all the pain he caused me, I saw in him a faint reflection of myself. So when he died, I did not cry, but I did not rejoice either. I felt as much emotion towards the man as I felt towards anyone else at the time; that is, none at all.

That suffering, though—yes, I feel enough now to name it suffering—that suffering changed me. It broke the ice inside me and uncovered a heart, and with it, I think, understanding, understanding for the little boy who used to cry over me back in Satis House. Though I suffered no longer under my second husband, the heard stayed, and all my memories of Pip returned. I remembered how I had treated him all those years ago, and I felt a semblance of regret—not regret exactly, but close.

About two years after our last meeting, I found myself driving down Piccadilly in a little pony carriage. Where to, I do not recall at this point; my only memory is of the man I saw on the road. It was the one whom I most longed to speak to, Pip. He had not much changed, but he walked with a child who looked very much like him, and he called him Pip as well. I took this to mean that he already had a wife, and perhaps more children; nevertheless, I sent a servant running after him, as I wished to speak with him, and perhaps repair the wrongs I had done him.

He walked back soon enough, and I looked at him sadly for a time, and he looked back at me with much the same expression. Eventually, I spoke.

“I am greatly changed, I know, but I thought you would like to shake hands with Estella, too, Pip,” I said. “Lift up that pretty child and let me kiss it!”

Pip obeyed without a word, as he had always done, and lifted up the boy. I kissed the little Pip, and touched the older one’s hand, and tried to let him know in so many words that I was sorry, and I should have listened to him, and I wished things could have gone for the better for both of us, and that finally, after everything I had been through, I had gained a heart.


End file.
